Joyful Stick: Hard Love-Darkest Desires and Vocabulary
Good day my deviants, and welcome to Joyful Stick. Miss the last entry? You can catch it here. Today’s going to be a mixed bag of history (personal and otherwise), vocabulary and how media perception can shape the dialogue around both. Buckle up as I sit down with our review of Hard Love: Darkest Desire.
Sticks and Stones Fucking Suck, Actually
Vocabulary is an extension of identity, and queer identity holds it’s vocabulary in constant flux.
I’ve always wrote queer fiction in one form or another. Specifically, I’ve often wrote trans fiction, as it’s a space I feel most comfortable as a non-binary person. Genitals aren’t gender identity, and so writing works in which my female characters had cocks and male characters’ vaginas wasn’t something I ever batted an eye at.
However, I didn’t call it “trans romance” at first, despite the fact that’s what I was actually writing. I called it “futanari”. Tumblr in 2016 was a radically different place, and it was a word I and other trans/queer writers used despite connotations because it meant people would actually read our works. Trans body inclusiveness was something you had to spoon feed readers at the time, who often would be totally unaware that what they were reading was a trans body positive story simply because of that “futanari” tag.
Then times changed. Radically. For the best, mighten I add.
I think it was the summer of 2017 or 2018 when discussion around why “futanari” in reference to trans bodies really picked up steam online. It was something that had always been omnipresent in the trans community, but I remember there very vividly being a push to remove the word from queer media. I was approached by a close friend, and agreed to drop the word from my tagging entirely. I made a post about it on Tumblr and Twitter at the time. Many, many people were in agreement with me. Save for one person in particular.
I won’t go into detail, save that their argument relied on the same circular logic right-wing politics were using at the time. They simply couldn’t understand why “I was literally approached by my trans friends about why this was bad and I love/respect them” was reason enough. They proved utterly unhinged, and we’ve dropped all contact since.
However, that argument sticks in my mind when I think of how queer people refer to themselves, especially in an era where so many of us are attempting to “reclaim” some of those words. I know several gay men that refer to themselves as faggots, girls who call themselves dykes. As an enby, I prefer simply not to be perceived at all-but I get the approach. Striking back by claiming that vocabulary in theory saps the strength of such phrasing as insults.
I don’t agree with it, but I get it.
Which brings us back to “futanari” and it’s usage in adult media, even today. Many who use the phrase simply lack awareness or consideration at all towards trans bodies. Some are quick to point towards trans porn stars who call themselves that. Yet others claim that the original japanese meaning of the phrase translates into “new type”, meaning an amalgam of what’s perceived as male/female with genitals.
All of these miss some key points though: “Futanari” has been appropriated in the west almost universally in reference to MTF trans bodies as sexualized fetish objects. If we’re speaking of that amalgam, then the phrase “intersexed” or even “two souls” has overtaken futanari in popular vernacular. To use “futanari” in the wake of all evidence is blatant stereotype based marketing to a singular audience-typically cis-het men. It’s queerness through the eyes of the male gaze, and dehumanizes us inherently within that light.
By the same logic used in the words persistence, I am a “futanari” by virtue of having large breasts and a penis. It’s nonsense meant to push media, no less different than when I and others were writing queer romance and using the tag to get readers. If vocabulary (again) is an extension of identity, then what does “futanari” and it’s sibling “trap” say about how you view queer people?
I mention all of this before the review because Hard Love: Darkest Desire is a title that bills itself under the word, and pushes to the brim via the same logic every moment of game play. Not since I played Dick, Dine And Dash have I seen such an incredibly weird take on queer sexuality.
Boys, Toys and Humiliation
HLDD stars Nova, a femme boy who enjoys cross dressing in his private time. He longs to girl mode as much as possible, but is faced with the harsh realities of “our world”. That is, until he goes to sleep one evening and awakes isekai-style on a fantasy island full of powerful, strong futanari women. The game picks up after Nova has been there several years alongside their partner Amber. Nova walks around with their cock and balls inside a velvet pouch, and openly comments on how much more feminine their figure has become.
In a real way, HLDD is wish fulfillment for many people. Being able to live freely to the lives we pine all hours for sounds like heaven. Nova themselves (at first) could be relatable for several trans people I know. Then the game starts in true and that gets quickly dashed. HLDD’s plot, characters and more center around humiliation and the “sissification” of Nova as a person independent from the rest of the cast, with their own consent. Almost every interaction Nova has with other members of the cast usually results in them being fucked orally or anally. The land Nova finds themselves in isn’t the heaven we anticipated, but a world built around projection and blatant parasitic co-dependency.
Don’t constrew my comments here as kink shaming, for I’m not. I myself have performed humiliation and “bully” requests out the wazoo for my audience. Rather, what nova experiences is excessive to the point of parody. They’re in an openly hostile environment that constantly hammers the point of Nova’s weakness at every opportunity. Nova can’t even feed themselves without being accompanied by Amber, their openly sarcastic and degrading partner. The game relents on this by degrees as Nova begins her adventure, but never to the point of allowing the player to truly revel in the accomplishment. What’s more, Nova themselves are significantly weaker than many enemies in the game, even basic enemies. Unless you’re stocked up on potions, scum saving and willing to grind, you’re in for a long, tedious ride.
I will openly admit that as someone that is fiercely prideful of their independent nature, I at first thought the narrative wasn’t for me. However as the game progressed and still maintained it’s artificial difficulty level I realized that wasn’t the case. HLDD makes use of it’s mechanical slant towards CPU opponents to (again) iterate how weak, pliable and small Nova actually is.
Frankly speaking, this design choice absolutely sucks. It makes HLDD a frustrating rather than rewarding ride, an experience in which even success seems anything but. The cast would sooner you shut the fuck up and part your cheeks than hear about any joys or strides you might have experienced. While a certain segment of players will enjoy the constant sex scenes, I’m someone that enjoys such things more when they feel narratively satisfying.
However…
HLDD does do a few things right.
Nova and many characters are fully voice acted. By a capable cast that elicits some great moans. While a majority of the title features RPGMaker MV sprites that are indistinguishable from countless free tilesets out there, sex scenes and Nova’s character often feature “motion images” and/or clean looking above-par art stills. The world Nova inhabits might not like her beyond her flesh, but at least they’re all really, really hot.
The sound design for the game aside from the music is professionally done. Girls split their skirts, thigh highs, tights and more with their throbbing erections in full surround sound. Every gluck and gag sounds completely realistic.
Lastly, HLDD is completely free on steam right now. The game punches well above other free options on the platform, and delivers a full, round and complete experience for those that seek it. If you play it and hate it, you lose nothing but your time.
And yet, despite this review, I chose to write about the game. Why?
New Era, New Tongue
HLDD stood out to me due to it’s verbiage. I was extremely curious if the title was simply using that phrase to mean something else, as I had long ago. Or, worst yet, delivering precisely what was on the tin. It ended up being the latter which disappointed me significantly-and yet, I can’t hate the title.
Because it’s stylings are no longer the norm.
HLDD and titles fashioned like it now subsist in the niche. Compared to 2016 media, it’s existence is a living sign of how far we-as queers and a adult community-have come towards recognizing trans bodies and positivity. It feels like an imitation of something we know could be better, something we feel as players and people.
-j