Jack Sabastion LaCroix:
Age: 33
Occupation: Head Performer, Editor and Social Media Manager
Title(s) and Nicknames: The Warlock, Jacky, She, The Grand Performer, Primarch Of The Church Of The Infinite Grin
Warlock, conman, liar and bumbling idiot extraordinaire. Jack began Splathouse Fiction as a creative outlet, only to somehow stumble his way into becoming the patron of a cosmic god-head known only as The Lady. In the time since starting the site, Jack has conquered entire schools of magic, gods and the cosmos. Unfortunately, he’s still a sloppy dolt. Were it not for the patience of his friends, lovers and the gods themselves he’d likely not be here.
Jimothy Schwartz
Age: 29
Occupation: Assistant to Jack, Fan Mail Answerer, Eye Candy
Title(s) And Nicknames: Jim, The Intern
Jimothy Schwartz is a highly intelligent and gifted graduate of MIT, Magna Cum Laude. Unfortunately that intelligence didn’t come with common sense. After some human testing (on himself) with some strange side effects and crafting a maniacal, evil AI Jim decided he needed a calmer line of work.
Then he met Jack. Poor thing.
Jenazebelle Infernalus
Age: You should know better than to ask a lady her age.
Occupation: Assistant To Jack and Jim, Voice of Reason
Title(s) and Nicknames: Big Blue, Big Mama, Sweetheart, Love, Jen, pretty lady
Jenazebelle Infernalus is seven feet of pure sin. With blue skin, piercing yellow eyes, flaming red hair and cloven feet, she’s the walking embodiment of intimidation and seduction. Thankfully for all of us, she’s incredibly kind. Especially towards Jack and Jim. Weird, that. Wonder why that is.
Poppet
Age: 55
Occupation: Current magical mentor to Jack.
Title(s) and Nicknames: “Written Lore Jack”, The Old Man, Silver Fox, The Puppet
In the wide, wide multiverse of possibilities…there was a world where things went very, very wrong for Jack. Covered in living tattoos and filled with a clockwork heart, Poppet came to this universe with the idea to destroy his copy. Jim saved the day with a ham sandwhich, and now Poppet is a lifelong, loyal friend to the staff. Wouldn’t that cause some kind of paradox? I don’t know, you tell me.
Willard The Ghost Butler
Age: Too Old To Count
Occupation: Butler, Comedy Relief
Willard the Ghost Butler is the cocain snorting, whiskey sipping and bullet dodging ghost haunting the Splathouse offices. He’s the coolest grandpa you never had that served in every major war. Just don’t loan him money, you’ll never see it again. Besides, what would a ghost need money for anyways?