You know a show that really, absolutely, positively frustrates the ever loving eternal piss out of me?
One that will elicit a sigh and eyeroll?
Dr. Who.
I loathe that show with a fury reserved for politicians. I could reactivate Chernobyl with how heated it makes me. The mere mention of a sonic screwdriver or weeping angles sets me frothing at the fucking mouth. It’s not because of the production values, cast, script or anything logical. Nope, none of that.
It’s the god damn fucking shitstain Tardis. Fuck that fucking thing. Burn it down. Rip it apart nail by nail.
The reason I’m so vehemently offended by a simple police box is for precisely one reason. But it’s enough to have me howling like the apes in Space Odyssey.
It’s the perfect metaphor. See, the Tardis is “bigger on the inside”, right? Blah blah blah, something something time and space are wobbly. What the fuck ever, David Tennant. The major issue with the Tardis is that it works for multiple layers of the narrative. Nothing is ever as simple as it appears, and it’s up to us as viewers (and the poor sods cast to act this tripe) to dare ourselves to go deeper. In a very real sense, the Tardis isn’t just a prop on the show. It’s a giant, generalized metaphor for life.
It’s perfect in general application and that’s why I fucking hate it, but I digress. The Tardis, it’s us. Our lives are houses with mansions in them tucked away.
I mention this because after our last article,the concept of identity wouldn’t leave my brain. What’s more, the paths we take to define its aspects. The unexpected trails, the gnarled roots of realization that trip us-they’ve all their purpose. They shape who we are at the macro and micro level, effectively pushing ever onwards.
For me?
Part of that is absolutely due to erotic role play.
Clean Your Fucking Keyboard
It’s 2006 and my dick is hard.
Unfortunately, only dial up is available in my rural community. While this wouldn’t be a problem if, say, I was just logging onto GAMEFAQs or something else? I had my hands full. Metaphorically and literally, mind. I had a date. Okay, so it wasn’t a date. But I had a partner that was likely just as turgid, eagerly awaiting my reply. I tried really hard not to think about the fact they were probably a guy (because haha I was totally straight, right?) as I tugged my cock, waiting for my 56k modem to finish the eldritch incantations. This was a process that could take upwards of 2 minutes, and that’s before I attempted to get a page to load. Speeds were well under a single megabyte per second, and somewhere in the neighborhood of 500 kilobytes per second.
For those of you who have grown up in the post-smart phone, post social media era, this probably sounds like it sucked. It did! It was absolutely horrible! Oh, and if someone called it could knock you off the internet. You thank whatever gods you worship every day you were born late. But for uber-horny, uber-socially awkward me?
Well.
I developed my patience and stamina somewhere.
I didn’t really have a name for it. Back then, it was “chatting”. A thing made thrilling by the fact I didn’t know these people, they didn’t know me, and I could be anyone at all. While I was aware that “asterisk-action-asterisk” style affairs were something others were doing, refusing to give it a name and interject the real me into it provided layers of deniability. I could deny that I was probably talking to another guy. I could deny engaging in acts viewed as “shameful” in the light of my ultra-conservative upbringing, like questioning my gender. In the tardis of my own head, those were tucked into the darkest corners of my id.
The easiest way to find a partner back then? Yahoo Chatrooms and communities. No, that’s not a joke. Skype was still a buggy community project, and everyone had either Yahoo or AIM. It worked much the same way Twitter roleplay (which we’ll get to in a minute) does now. I’d argue it was even safer simply because you didn’t have to attach a phone number to your account. Yahoo chatrooms had a cap of 50 people and were categorized by interest. At least, the “mainstream” ones were. User created rooms were essentially the wild west, left ultimately up to the creators (and mods) to tame.
If you’ve more than a handful of brain cells, you’re probably thinking “wow that sounds like a hot bed of predation”. It was! But if you were lonely, if you were desperate for any kind of human interaction?
If you were horny and crippled by social anxiety?
You risked it.
Because it wasn’t “you” at the chair, the keys. It was whatever name you chose that day. Whatever personality you wanted to become. And it was absolutely liberating.
More Masks Than Spirit Halloween
No part of the human experience happens in a vacuum. Every cruelty and glory is being endlessly experienced by the other. Other times, other places, other faces. Erotic Role Play (let’s go with the abbreveation) is one of dozens of ways to tap into that slurry of tears, fears and joy. My experience wasn’t unique even if the affect it had on me was.
ERP gave me an opportunity to tackle my sexuality and body dysphoria before I even knew what those were. It made me realize I could talk to people, for one. That I could make friends. That I wasn’t alone. I mean sure, I got a sore wrist in the process and an amazing words-per-second count-but there was more. Beneath the late-night page refreshments and desperately hoping nobody needed the phone came genuine, real validation.
A house with mansions in it, each with a different dweller, a different address, worlds with gulfs between them to ensure they never intersected. Bigger than the surface could ever tell indeed.
It was a world I left behind for the most part as I got older. While I didn’t stop when real sex became a thing in my life, it abated to the point of nonexistence. I grew tired of illiterate partners, people wanting the same basic things. Much like the Tardis, I turned my nose up at it. Guffawed and puffed my chest out. What use did I, a Real Sex Haver (™), have for such a thing anymore?!
Yes, I am well aware of the irony of that attitude given what I do now. That palpable overstep of hubris aside, I was curious if ERP was still a thing people did. Not VRChat antics mind you-I wanted that nitty-gritty verbose kind of action. Ten whole paragraphs of lore before I even hear about your character kinds of stuff. So I tossed a rock on twitter and hit at least ninety-seven different versions of (Insert Your Anime Wife Here).
I won’t say I was surprised. Horny folks find a way. What was more surprising was that some roleplayers had kofis, tens of thousands of followers, endless interaction and even patreons. That massive ego I had suddenly shrank back harder than the time I went streaking in december. Finding a newfound sense of shattered pride, I put my feelers out with a few confidants for what ERP looks like today.
It’s still that massive well of humanity I dived into years ago. Sure, it’s moved to Twitter, F-list and others. There’s some people paying their light bill with it now. But at it’s core, it’s still a massive form of expression and introspection.
I’m actually fortunate enough to be very good friends with one of those uber-famous roleplayers, and I feel their perspective is worth sharing here.
J: What personally made you want to start RPing, what draws you to it, annnnd were you expecting to get this big?
ERPer: I have no idea where it began other than Miiverse.
Yes.
The wiiu social network is where it began.
I didn’t expect to get huge on twitter, it was just a migration when the wiiu flopped, but when I went lewd, everything exploded.
The big draw is being able to do stuff without any risk and the personal aspect. Nowhere else has stuff like that. It’s all self tailored and able to be changed to the exact likes of the participants.
J: I’m kind of surprised you didn’t see the explosion coming, considering you’re playing REDACTED.
ERPer: I honestly don’t pay attention to my follower count. Betting like 75% of my followers aren’t active. Maybe more.
J: Do you maybe have anything you want to add? Something that surprised or shocked you?
ERPer: I wouldn’t consider myself in reality to be gay. Never have had feelings for men face to face. But with erp and stuff, I feel comfortable doing it with other people. I guess removing the face to face element makes it more arousing? I dont know. It’s strange.
J: That makes sense. What’s the worst part?
ERPer: How being horny makes people illiterate. Don’t even get me started on the total idiots are on that hellsite (twitter).
Literacy Is Sexy
I still hate that show. Oh my god do I despise Doctor Who.
But you know, it’s an irrational kind of hatred.
All too often in the kink community we do the same thing to our peers. We kick them, we tease, we tell them they’re not doing it right. I myself am guilty of no shortage of jokes towards ERPers.
That’s pretty irrational too. Especially for something that allows people a safe, viable way to explore themselves. I’d like to change that.
So. Before we close out. Here’s some very simple rules for ERPing in 2020 and beyond.
Be literate. Your ability to eloquently express yourself, your character and your desires clears any confusion towards consent for both parties. What’s more, it just makes it easier for all involved.
Be respectful. Don’t just slide into someone’s DMs. See if they’re looking for a partner, and what kind. Quite a few ERPers have pinned tweets and more. On some sites you can even search based on shared interests and kinks.
Lastly-be kind, be patient. Everyone has a real life away from this. Sometimes they can’t reply, sometimes they’re at work. That doesn’t mean they’re not interested in you. That doesn’t mean persistence will get you noticed. What’s more likely to happen is ERPers will talk about your behavior with other ERPers and you’ll find yourself alone.
That’s it for now folks. Have a good one, and remember to rest those wrists.
-j