Jack’s Sack: Big Ones
Good morning, and welcome again to Jack’s Sack, our sex toy review series. Miss the last entry? You can read it here. Today we’re going to talk about the simple joys of boobs.
Cup ‘Em
Starting off 2020 newly single meant several things for me. One, I was free. My former relationship had turned incredibly toxic towards the end. It was nice to be able to breathe after several months of mental anguish. But unfortunately, it also meant a second detail became readily apparent.
No more tig ol’ biddies in my face.
Now despite all my wailings and screaming about the joys of a big round ass-I love boobs. Big boobs, small boobs, fat boobs, skinny boobs, saggy boobs. Boobs are fucking beautiful. I love the way they feel slipping out of my hands. Getting smacked in the face with them, feeling them wrap around my cock as it disappears…
C’est la vie. I had given a sigh thinking about them, and embraced my now eternal bachelorhood. Boobs were for another life, another time. If a lack of boobs in my life meant never getting hurt again, then hey. Sacrifices had to be made, right? Somehow in all of my pained pornographer maligning, I’d completely forgot this is the modern era. We’ve the technology to fit any want, any desire. Dick in hand and furtive longing left unfulfilled, I dashed to Amazon on a quest.
I was actually pretty fucking surprised. Apparently I’m not the only one that likes boobs, who knew? There are tons of “stress relief” toys on the market. These were cute, sure. But they weren’t what I wanted. I wasn’t looking for a laugh. Rather, much like the doll I reviewed previously, what I wanted was a facsimile. Something just close enough to fool the unga-bunga lizard part of my brain.
After a few hours of searching, I had finally found them. They not only looked like the real thing, but (based on customer videos) seemed to react with a natural jiggle. The vaginal/anal holes were a bit off-putting to twitter when I shared it, but what the hell. My cock had done much stranger things in the last year already. I added them to my wishlist, and didn’t give the toys a second thought until they arrived at my door.
Suck ‘Em
Arrive they did, with a real, palpable weight to them. Ever go to lift something and it’s weight catches you by surprise? Yeah, that happened. The box from Amazon was medium sized, like something you’d get for a medium sized hardcover or clothes. I picked it up in one hand and damn near dropped the thing. After a half second scramble and my best Peter Parker impression, I had it in the backseat of my car.
Now, while I can look up what has been ordered on my wishlist, I typically refrain. It ruins the surprise, you know? It’s more fun for me personally to have zero idea as I approach the mailbox. But with a box this size, I was extremely curious. I hit the gas and floored it down my driveway, slinging gravel as I made it back to my house. I opened the brown box to reveal…
Another white box. Totally non-descript. Oh, I thought, this is going to be interesting. I twirled my pen knife and made the necessary slits. Pulling open the top, my jaw dropped. I’m no stranger to toys or nudity. I’ve seen more than my share of boobs in life.
But these.
These were huge.
Like, these were easily D-Cups. And extremely photo realistic, right down to the “bumps” around the nipples. Which looked good enough to roll my tongue along. I reached forward, and gave them a squeeze. Aside from the medical grade texture of the rubber, they gave as real breasts do. With a weight and sag that absolutely floored me. I felt my cheeks begin to flush as I stood there, my jockstrap suddenly far too tight in my pants. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I boxed it up, and finished that evening’s house work.
Normally when I get toys, I use them a few days before I write the review. On some occasions though, wants over rule my rigid scheduling and I cave. The moment I was free, I pulled them back out of the box. I just want to give them another look, I thought. It was a lie I told myself as I reached in a drawer for lube. I just want to see what they look like wet, I thought. I splattered lube over them, and began to roll my hands over it like I would any lover. As it dripped between the cleavage towards the very lovely cunt, I had a moment of pure instinct.
I leaned forward and swirled my tongue over the nipples. I squeezed the breasts as I tried to free myself from my pants, my tongue lapping against the molded clit. Maybe it was before or after I started panting-but “taking a look” turned to smacking my girth between them. I pressed them together around me, shuddering as I completely disappeared. Every buck brought with it old sensations, old things I’d done in the past. I squeezed, I tweaked them. I bucked furiously, and then remembered the cunt.
My head rolled over the lips as I pressed my way inside, the tight walls embracing me in a way I’d missed. I held on to the breasts, every shove making them jiggle in my hands. One hole gave way to the other, even tighter than the one before it. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I pulled out. I smacked myself against the toy, and gave a single tug before I utterly coated it.
It wasn’t just a good orgasm, but a mentally satisfying one as well. Glazed and sticky, the only thing missing was the gentle rise of breathing. Cleaning up was incredibly easy. Good memories bubbled up from the back of my head as I turned my shower to warm, and brought the toy in with me. Be it lube or hot water, they toy responded just as a real pair would. Before putting them back in my suitcase, I gave them a final squeeze for the night. Ideas for shoots were already swirling in my head as I closed the top of my trunk.
Love ‘Em
The longer this series has gone on, the more I’ve noticed a trend with toys that find their way to me. I’m trending towards more realism than fantasy. While this is both due to market selection (finding mens toys on Amazon is a MASSIVE pain in the ass), it’s also to fill my personal needs and wants. Of the few things I miss of physical intimacy, it’s the small things I miss most. Squeezing, kissing, touching. The roll of my thumb over a nipple. The smack of my cock against a clit before I press myself inside. While plenty of strokers are intense and can totally get me off, there’s an unsaid want for more human elements over the last few entries here.
And honestly? I’m okay with that.
Sex toys are built for pleasure. But they, and adult entertainment by large, also exists in a space of comfortable exploration. Maybe you want to explore a kink in private. Maybe you want to feel something different somewhere different. Maybe, like me, you feel uncomfortable about physically acting for one reason or another.
Right now, I don’t feel emotionally or mentally comfortable entering into another physical relationship. I’m working on it, I’m getting better. But right now-it hurts too much to think about. But my emotional and mental anguish haven’t stifled my desires. Toys like the boobs, and many others you all have sent me, fill a role towards helping me heal. I know that sounds super cheesy considering this is a sex toy review.
But it’s true.
Sex toys have given me a safe place to explore my wants without feeling emotionally conflicted, confused or worried. They’ve given me a space to breathe and just enjoy my body without worrying that something I’m doing is wrong, or I’m not enough of what someone else needs. They’re also just incredibly fun, giving me a reason to relax at the end of the day without worry. Something I’ve come to realize I need a lot more of in my life.
So, huge thank you to the deviant that sent these. They’re absolutely wonderful. Also a massive thank you to all of you who have contributed to this series and helped me get better, one tug at a time. I can’t put into words how much it’s really helped.
I love you all.
-J