Taking the L: Having a High Libido
I’ve run out of polite ways to talk about it.
At first, I thought it was an occasional thing. Ya’ know, a quirk of these imperfect fleshy machines we pilot. I called it “heats” as it was the closest analog I could think of. My friends would laugh and tease even. How could they not? It wasn’t like I could hide it. These “heats”, they moved faster than my brain, my hands, my self restraint. It’s taken me years to get to a level of self control where I can at least try to turn it off.
But I can’t, not really. I can divert it for a bit. Kill an hour without thinking about it. But then later? With the door locked and not a soul to stop me?
I cave. I always cave, even trying everything to ignore it. My hand fumbles with my buttons, my zipper. I free my cock, and give a shiver as I buck into my own grip. Maybe I’ll cum just twice, maybe four times. I don’t know. I won’t know until I’m too tired to stand anymore and sleep just takes me. And god, I hope I’m nowhere near my socials during.
Having a high libido is a blessing. It’s also one of the worst distractions to what I do here-and I’d like to explain why today.
Rising Pulse
Libido comes in many forms just like the rest of our sexuality. Maybe you only occasionally enjoy sex. Maybe, like me, you regularly need an orgasm to keep your sanity. Regardless, sexual desire varies in intensity from person to person. There’s a dozen factors that go into this-mental and physical health, opportunity. I could keep going.
For me, my libido takes the form of a constant thought in the back of my head. I could just take a break and rub one out. I could hit someone up, and make it a night. I could forego working on content, talking to friends and more so I can spend all night fucking my toys. If it was now and then kind of thing? This wouldn’t be so bad. My horniness is directly what drives my best content. Being able to tap into genuine feelings of want, desire and lust have brought all you’re reading to your eyes. If I’ve recorded you something and you heard a cock slap? Yeah, that was real.
It’s great.
Until the moment it absolutely isn’t.
My libido is my muse. It’s also a massive stumbling block if I allow myself to slip. Yesterday, I actually had a rare day off. Recording Splat Speaks was on the schedule. I had every single intention of completely clearing out the entire queue. I had my sound effects ready, everything. I made it through about four recordings when it hit. I’d tried ignoring it while I was recording-then an idle hand strayed. I caressed my cock, the throbbing of it driving my perverse dialogue.
At this point, it was tenting my boxers and threatening to escape. It wasn’t a matter of if, but rather how long I could ignore it.
I tried in vain all the same. I got up, I made coffee. I pet my cats. I tried to ignore the smack of the fattened head against my thigh. Then I simply couldn’t. In the moment, it was easier to cave than to ignore it, zooming through each recording and delivering a sub-par production.
I spent the next hour and a half edging and fucking my toys. When I came, it felt like my soul left my body. I laid on the bed, chest rising as each clawing breath grew more shallow than the last.
But I had my brain back.
I could think.
I got up, showered, and went to work editing. Which was fine and dandy until I got hard again as I listened to myself perform. Another sweating hour and a half later I snarled as I came and collapsed on the bed. I laid there, watching the four audios I’d completed upload. I didn’t move unless it was to blink.
My entire week had been just like this.
Bouts of intense need, and fighting myself to ignore it so I could live. So I could think, so I could focus. I could blame it on a half dozen things. Splathouse, by its nature, is horny. I follow other creatives in the field, sex workers and more on all my socials. I’ve been under intense stress the last few months as well. The cause was, in all honesty, insubstantial. The means didn’t really matter-I was still fucking silicone and my hand as often as I could. I was still getting hard at my real job for absolutely no reason at all.
The only thing that stopped it was exhaustion and depression.
Blushing Cheeks
We all joke about how great it is being horny. We all make cracks about masturbation and sex and things going down in our DMs.
But what people rarely talk about is the cool down period that comes after. Those months where you’re pounding everything that you can to get that hit of dopamine. Then after, you lay like a slug on your bed, eyes wide as the TV flickers. Cum on your belly, your thighs. You’re too exhausted to move, too tired to think. So you just lie there until you fall asleep. In itself, it’s a sad way to live.
With a partner, it can be even worse.
I’ve never had a problem getting it up. What I have had issues with is the look of disappointment when a partner tries to get me off and can’t. Because I’d already busted off twice that day. Maybe more. If it’s not that, it’s the classic “hey babe, I’m too tired. Maybe later?”
Making it up with morning wood can only go so far. You can only say you’re tired so many times before a partner starts to think it’s them. Before they start to think they’re not good enough for you. If you imagine the conversations surrounding that are fun, I’ve news for you. Sure, you can talk about it. You can explain it’s a psychological or physical issue. But even with awareness of sex addiction in the modern era, many people will cut you a side eye.
Then come those cool down periods. Where you’re exhausted, you don’t even want to think about touching yourself or anyone. Where your partner looks at you pleadingly, and you’re just too tired to try. Moments like that, they just reinforce what’s in the back of their head. That’s going on the notion that the both of you fucking all the time isn’t something they expect as “normal” for you. Partners-for obvious, good reasons-take sexual intimacy as a sign of your interest and affection.
Where things get fucky is when that’s taken away.
I’ve been asked if I’m cheating before (I don’t and never have). I’ve been asked if I’m feeling alright, if I have a cold, if it’s them, if there’s something they could do to “set a spark”.
That’s the funny thing. I’m always DTF, without a shadow of a doubt. Until I’m not.
Because I’m ultimately at the whims of whatever incessant pressing my dopamine receptors need. Explaining that, trying to make sense of it, it’s cost me partners. It’s cost me love, it’s cost me relationships. In the aftermath, the pseudo-numbness I feel to the world becomes full blown depression.
We all joke. All of us, really.
But it stopped being funny a long fucking time ago for me.
A Firm, Warm Grasp
Saying a high libido is a hopeless situation is only true if you believe in unicorns.
It’s a blessing, it’s a curse-but it’s nothing that can’t be fought, and should be approached and dealt with in the severity that all those jokes fail to address. It should be discussed with the same gravity as all other sexual health discussions.
With that in mind, I’d like to bring up a few key points when it comes to dealing with a high libido:
Talk to your fucking doctor: Having an abnormally high libido can be a sign of quite a few things. Don’t joke and say your blood pressure is great. If you’re feeling uncontrollable urges to masturbate, cum, or having weird moments of arousal, that’s not normal and should be addressed. Maybe it’s a kink or a fetish-or maybe it’s something way more serious. Talk to a professional and you’ll know for certain.
Talk to your fucking partners: I firmly believe there is a lot to be said for honesty and clear communication when it comes to intimacy. Talk with your partner about your “heats”, and explain cool down periods. This can go a long way towards putting their mind at ease, and even lead to them being there when you need them most during cool downs.
Stop masturbating because you’re bored: If you already have a high libido, you may be feeding it during the long lulls. While there isn’t an unhealthy amount you can masturbate, there’s entire things you could be doing instead of spanking the monkey. If you need to destress that’s one thing. If you legitimately are postponing hobbies, hanging out with friends and things you enjoy to masturbate, that’s a sign. Find things to keep your hands and mind busy.
Get off your ass: Remember when I said depression and exhaustion were the only things that stopped me? I work out every single day for at least an hour using a mix of heavy weights and cardio. I feel better than I have in my entire life and when the day is over, I just want to lay in bed and cuddle my cats. Horniness is often the farthest thing from my mind. And besides, you should be exercising to help overall sexual health anyways.
Talk instead of being silent: I’m incredibly vocal about my sexuality and libido. It’s allowed me to connect with other people, form friendships and more. I can’t tell you how many hours that otherwise would have been spent hitting the pleasure centers in my brain were filled with the laughter of my friends. Orgasms are temporary, homies are forever.
Lastly, you’re going to be alright: Getting horny is totally normal. And with hormone cycles, overall life changes, your mental health and more? Frequent bouts of horny are also normal. Even if you’re aware of having an unusually high libido, you’re still a human being. You still deserve love, respect and understanding just as anyone else does. The way your body reacts isn’t necessarily your fault, though it is your responsibility. With being aware, you’re fully capable of making changes to ensure you live a fulfilling life.
I hope this article was helpful to quite a few of you. I also hope it encourages discussion. If you’d like to ask me something about having a high libido or discuss this further, you can reach me at any of the following socials.
-j