(Splathouse lore is an out-of-chronology story about Jack, a wandering warlock that bares no relation to the owner of this blog. Check out the previous story here.)
I open the petals in the early morning-but Grammy doesn’t seem to notice.
I do that for her. Every day, right outside her window. The flowers, they’re purple and black and white. Her favorite. I don’t know the name, but I know she likes them a lot. So I made sure to put some outside the window. I make sure they open every day. I want Grammy to be happy. But she passes them just like she did yesterday, and the day before. Past the window, towards another. She lifts a hand to her eyes, the other wrapped atop that old cane. She wipes her hand, and I see it come back wet.
I hope I didn’t make Grammy cry.
Thinking about that makes my tummy gurgle. Maybe I’m just hungry-I sure could go for some of her biscuits right now. But when I think about going up to the door…
I watch as Grammy’s shoulders hitch. She reaches into the pockets of her pink sweater, and pulls out a tissue. She blows into it, all quiet like. I can’t hear her from beyond the glass, the green and the vines. She wads it up and shoves it back in her pocket. She turns on her cane, and just stares out at the yard. At the little footpath that leads to the forest.
Out towards me. Sometimes I think she sees me, but other times I can’t tell. Her eyes, they look out. But they’re empty. Kind of like the house is.
The petals close up, and curl into tight little balls at the window.
@@@
Grammy says Jesus loves everyone. She told me how this Jesus man loved all babies-the white and the black, the poor and the rich. She tells me his heart is big enough for everyone on earth.
I asked Grammy one time if that meant me too. ‘Cause my skin wasn’t white like hers-it was all green, like the moss that grows on the pines. She just smiled and kissed my head. “Yes baby, even you,” she said. I asked her why then, why’d I look so much different from everyone. She just smiled, and said that Jesus man had a plan for everyone. That I wouldn’t look like I was if there wasn’t a reason.
Grammy said that even when I started gettin’ real big. Too big for my britches anymore. Even when she stopped taking me to The Glory Of Our Father, this big baptist church at the end of the road. Grammy said Jesus loved me, but I sure didn’t think the church did. Everyone was all smiles, but like jack o’ lanterns. Real big and bright, but dangerous if you reached in too deep. When I started growin’, people started whispering more. One sunday I knocked my head real hard at the top of the door. The big wide ones that Preacher Troy always opened up. I did, and I tore some wood away. A few people let out a little gasp. I felt real warm in my cheeks then, ‘cause I saw Preacher Troy walking up the aisle towards Grammy and me. She took a step forward and stood in front of me. I had only seen Grammy mad a few times-it’s a funny look.
And right then, with Preacher Troy coming on up, Grammy looked like a copperhead ready to strike. I think Preacher caught glimpse of it, cause he stopped a few feet short.
“Ethel, your boy-”
“I know. He couldn’t help it none, Troy. Ain’t like we ain’t got enough to fix it,” said Grammy.
Preacher smiled real big, and wrung his hands. His eyes bounced around and looked at the congregation, all whispers like a pack of bog rats. His palms twisted as he looked at my Grammy.
“Well, true as that may be, this seems to be a-growing concern,”
Grammy-she’s real soft. I don’t think she had ever done a sin in her whole life. But she leaned forward, and spit right in the preacher’s face. A few people in the church gasped. Troy stood there, eyes blinkin’ as he looked at her. Grammy snorted, and turned around. She reached into the leaves and blooms where my hand used to be, and said “Come on baby, we ain’t gotta take this,”
And so we left. I picked Grammy up on my shoulders, and we walked on home. With the ground shakin’ beneath my feet, I asked her if I’d made Jesus mad. Grammy just laughed, and said “Ain’t no jesus in Troy Baker. Ain’t been none in a long, long time. Don’t you worry none about him, okay baby?”
“But Grammy, I broke the door,” I said.
Grammy gave a small smile, and patted the space on my shoulder she sat at. “Well, guess they should have made it wider, shouldn’t they?”
I wanted to say something back, but thinkin’ on it, she was right. I wasn’t the only person that had to duck coming in. I was just the youngest of the real big people in church. Grammy started hummin’, and when we got home she made biscuits and gravy. I ate it up real quick, and that was that.
But I kept on growing. I didn’t mean to-I couldn’t help it. I reached a point it was hard to move in Grammy’s house. My leaves scrapped the top of the cieling, and I kept on being afraid I was gonna break something. Like I had that day at church. So we started having our supper on the back porch. I liked that a lot. I could feel the sun all over me ‘cept when the clouds came. Grammy would make big ol’ batches of biscuits and gravy, and just smile and laugh as I ate it all.
“Look at you, big as Jethro Bodine!” she would say.
“Whose Jethro, Grammy?” I’d say back, and then she would just laugh more. Hearing my Grammy laugh like that, it made me wanna laugh too. But when I tried, it all came out like leaves rustling. But hearing that, it just made Grammy smile more. So I’d go right on laughin’ and she’d go right on being happy. I loved that a whole lot.
When I got so big I saw the top of Grammy’s house, she stopped making me biscuits and gravy. I was a little upset, but she said “Baby, you even hungry that big? I ain’t fed you in a few days and you’re still growin’,”
I thought real hard on that, and I realized Grammy was right. It had been a while since I ate. But I hadn’t gone hungry, no sir. Even in the sun and the rain, I still felt real full. I shook my head, a few leaves falling. Grammy came up, and hugged my leg real hard. I reached down and encircled in my arms, but not too tight. Grammy said I didn’t know my own strength no more, and I kept on bein’ ‘fraid I was gonna crush her. So I hugged her real soft like. Sometimes my leaves got on the back of her neck, and she would just giggle. She said it tickled a whole lot.
Then came the night I had to go in the woods.
Grammy said it was for the best, that she still knew I was out there. But I wouldn’t had to go in no dang-blame woods if that mean ol’ preacher Troy hadn’t came out. He pulled up in the yard with a few people from the church. Everyone was in these pick up trucks, and a few people had these tiki-torches like I’d seen at the hardware store when I was real little. Little enough to still fit in stores, anyways. Grammy had heard them coming, and told me to go duck out in the pines. I shambled off, but tried my best to tip toe and be sneaky. I stepped so hard and loud that sometimes it shook the china from Grammy’s cabinet. I woulda felt real sorry if I’d broke anything.
By the time I was in the pines, Preacher Troy had started talking. I turned back, tried real hard to be quiet as a field mouse. I saw him a few feet from Grammy-who had her shotgun daddy gave her. I’d never seen her bring that out.
“Ethel, we all were talkin’-”
“Conspiring more like Troy. The sam-hell y’all doing out here? Witnessing?” said Grammy.
“Ethel, you know why. Listen, you ain’t gotta make this no harder than-”
The noise that came sounded like the loudest fire cracker I done ever heard. If I’d still had ears like I once did, they sure as H-E-double hockey sticks woulda been ringing. Grammy pumped the scattergun-and it’s then I noticed the light on one of the trucks was out.
“Troy Alabaster, I got five more shots. I’m blind as hell, and though I might be aimin’ for you, I sure won’t feel an ounce of guilt over hittin’ nobody,” said Grammy.
The people-our own congregation-started pullin’ back then. They were mumbling and puttin’ a cap on their torches. Someone done started up their pick up, and a few had jumped on the bed. Preacher Troy looked all shook up like he’d done seen a haunt, and started steppin’ back.
“Have you done lost your damn mind, woman?! That’s a damn abomination!” he shouted. But that last part, there was a quiver in it. Like I hadn’t ever heard in him my whole life.
“That’s my grandson, and I love him. Love him like you ain’t felt in your whole life, for people or god,” she said. She raised the gun, and then came that loud firecracker sound again. A bunch of people screamed as the shot slammed into a truck. It started spitting gravel and dirt, and got all over Preacher Troy. I almost laughed when he fell down-almost did. But I figured I needed to stay quiet.
Preacher Troy looked up at Grammy, all shook up. He scrambled to his feet and pointed towards her. “You’re goin’ to hell, Ethel! You let a damn hellspawn out on all of us! You hear me?! This is your doin’ woman! Yours!”
“Good. ‘Bout time something came to judge y’all as you need to,” said Grammy. She pumped another shell, and ‘bout then Preacher Troy hauled butt onto a truck. Everyone took off, their engines roaring loud as all get out. Grammy watched ‘em till they were gone, way past where we could hear them. I started creepin’ out the pines, real slow and low. And I watched as Grammy lowered the gun. As it clattered against the steps, and she sunk down next to it.
For the first time in my whole life, I realized how small my Grammy really was. I wrapped her up in my leaves, and held her as close as I could. Grammy was cryin’. But she made sure I didn’t see-and I didn’t say nothin’. I just held her and rocked her like she used to do me. After a while, she pulled from my arms. She looked up at me and wiped her eyes-and tried to give me a smile. She patted my trunk, and said “It’s alright baby, we’re gonna be alright okay? You go on and find somewhere comfy and dry for the night. I’m okay,”
“Are you sure Grammy? What was Preacher Troy doin’ out here anyway? Ain’t it his bedtime?” I said.
Grammy laughed, and shook her head.
“Oh, don’t worry about him. We ain’t gotta worry about him ever again I think,” she said. Then she sighed real big, and turned towards her house.
“Remember-somewhere comfy and dry, baby. Okay? Can you do that for me?” she said.
I told her “yes ma’am,” and let her go inside the house. Then I turned back towards the pines-and tried not to rustle too much.
I didn’t wanna wake Grammy.
@@@
I was about to open up the petals when I stopped one morning. Ain’t nothing that would keep me from openin’ Grammy’s flowers, but what I saw on the porch sure did.
I couldn’t remember the last time we got a visitor. Even the post man stopped comin’ round. But there, in a tatty coat like somethin’ Smelly Joe in town would wear, was this man. He wasn’t too tall, but wasn’t short neither. He had a lil’ bit of a belly, kinda like my daddy did. And his hair-good lord, I knew Grammy would say it was a rat’s nest. Just like she had me when I was little. Little-er, I mean. He had these crooked glasses on his face that crowned all this stubble. And he looked real hard and mean, stern like. Like something outta one of those movies that came on late. He was smoking one of those nasty cigarettes, and coughed into his fist. He wiped it on his coat, and knocked on the door.
I was thinkin’ how queer it all was-having a visitor, a coat in this kinda heat-when Grammy answered. She stared at the man, then waved her hand in front of her face. The stranger took a long drag, and dropped his cigarette on the porch. He stubbed it out ‘neath these thick leather boots, and looked up at her.
“You Ethel?”
“Yes I am, and I know you didn’t just put that out there,”
The man grunted, and moved his boot. He picked up the cigarette and tucked it into his coat. “Right. Well? Gonna let me in?”
“Depends,” said Grammy, “You Jack?”
“Yes ma’am I am. You called?”
Grammy narrowed her brow at the man, and crossed her arms. “Now hold on just a minute-ain’t you got a badge or something? Some kind of ID? How do I know you’re you?”
The stranger smirked, but it was all crooked. He tucked his hands into his jacket, and rocked back on his heels. “A man like me only comes when called, when needed. That business card-did it have any number on it?”
Grammy blinked, and pressed her back against the door frame. “Well, no-” she started.
“Yep. You talked to Jen, right?” he said, his smirk widin’ just a bit.
“Well, yes. She said her name was Jen,”
“Good. That’s all the proof you need then. The business card is black with a single name on it. It’s got ‘warlock’ written on it, with the instructions on the back. Which are simple. Now-I smell coffee. You gonna let me in?”
Grammy stared real hard at the man, then sighed. She turned from the door, and walked in. “You sure don’t look like no wizard,” she said.
The man’s face dropped, and he lifted a finger towards the doorway. “Warlock. There’s a difference. Don’t ever call me a wizard. And you still haven’t invited me-”
“Oh come on already. You want that coffee, right?” said Grammy.
The man started smilin’ again, and he stepped in. The door closed, and I watched as they passed the windows towards the kitchen. I tried to sneak one of my vines close-sometimes I could hear things through them. But their voices musta been real low, ‘cause I didn’t hear a thing. Next thing I know, that man is stepping out on the back porch. He ain’t got his coat no more-or a shirt. He’s bare chested and walking towards the pines. Towards me. He’s just starin’ straight ahead, and the weirdest thing is going on.
He’s got this dark hair on his chest, but that ain’t what catches my eyes. It’s this black stuff on it, swirlin’ and swimmin’ on his skin dark as roof pitch. If I don’t blink, I’d swear I could see pictures-but they’re gone quick as a vapor, quicker than you can even blink. And all the while, the man keeps gettin’ closer and closer to the pines.
Grammy comes out the back door, and cups her hand towards her mouth. She stops before she says anything, but speaks real loud and clear.
“Don’t you dare hurt him, you hear me? Don’t you lay a hand on him, or so help me I’ll stove your head clean off!”
“Ain’t gonna hurt ‘em ma’am. You didn’t ask me to do that,” he calls back. But he ain’t stopping, nor stepping lightly. He’s marching right into the brush like he means business. And all them pictures on his chest, they start comin’ together real slow on his arms. I think I see a feather at first-but my eyes are dartin’ ‘tween him and Grammy, and she just watches as he sinks into the bush. Right into the pines, right where I’m at.
I ain’t scared of a whole lot, but something ‘bout that man sent a shiver through my vines. He knew it too, right off the bat. ‘Bout thirty yards in, he stopped. He closed his eyes, and lifted a single hand. His breathing got real slow, like he was thinkin’ harder than anybody had. I started slinking back best I could, but sometimes a branch or two would snap. It just sounded like the woods-creaking and groaning and moaning like they always do. And that man, he didn’t stir not one bit.
But he did snap his fingers.
Those feathers-the ones in his skin, way up on his shoulder-they peeled offa him. They were all scratchy and black, like the drawings I used to make when Grammy gave me pencils. I watched as they twisted and twirled, contorting and growing. The man just watched, and lowered his hand slow to his side. A few moments later, and those things had done twisted into the biggest black birds I’d ever laid eyes on. Way bigger than any that had flew over Grammys. They were bigger ‘en hawks even! They met the ground, and gave warbles that sounded like breakin’ fiddle strings. The man smiled, and looked down at them.
“Penny for our thoughts, mind for mind. Find the boy lost in the pines, will you?”
Them black birds, they rose without making a sound into the air. And when they opened their wings, good lord, they coulda blot out the sun! I read one time, in this book of fairy tales, ‘bout these kinds of things. ‘Bout witches and wizards and warlocks, and how they all were real tricky. That thought came hurtlin’ back real quick-but not quicker than the black birds. They’d done rose up above the tree tops, and cast shadows or’everything. Daylight cut into pieces as they passed overhead.
Then one gave a long warble-and dived. Right towards me! Oh, if I’d been small enough to run I woulda. I really woulda, right back to Grammy. But instead, I stood my ground-big and proud, just like she told me. And when that blackbird got close-it just stopped. Flapping it’s wings right there in mid-air. It warbled real loud, and that’s when I turned my head.
I’d always thought I’d been closer to the house-with the way I could see, the way I could hear. But then I…I realized I wasn’t. As I looked out over all the trees, the hundreds of them, I realized just how much I’d grown. All I’d heard and seen, it’d done been through the vines. Grammy’s house, it was real far out. I heard a shout, and gave a shudder as the man came bounding through the brush. He stepped on my vines with this big ol’ boots of his, and didn’t even say he was sorry. But he got there quicker than I could say “ouch!”-and in just a minute, I saw him come out from behind a tree. He looked up at me, eyes wide for all of a second.
Then he lifted his hand, and snapped his fingers again. The black bird twisted and shuddered back into that inky black, and shot down on him like a bullet. Next thing I know, he’s got his arms crossed lookin’ at me. Them feathers, they’re back on his skin for all of a second ‘fore they’re gone. Twisting and contorting, becoming all kinds of different things.
The man reaches behind his back, and pulls out a pack of those nasty old cigarettes. He lights one up, and looks up at me. He takes a long drag, and even all the way up here I can smell how nasty it is.
Smoke curls out his nose as he smiles.
“Long way from home, ain’t we?” he says.
I don’t say nothin’. I don’t even know if I can say anything right then. I don’t know if it was fear or-or if I’d grown up too much. But the man, he just comes a bit closer, then closer still. He turns his back right at my legs, these big ol’ thick trunks. Then just plops down. I feel his warmth against my roots-but also something else. Like, this weird pulsing electricity. One time, when I was little-er, I’d touched a fence a neighbor had kept his goats in. It’s had stung and left my mouth tastin’ of nickles for a week. It was kinda like that, but different still.
I tried to open my mouth to talk, but all that came out was a huge creaking moan. Like a timber fallin’. The man looked up at me, cigarette burnin’ as he nodded.
“Yeah, I know. She’s okay, I promise. But what about you?”
I tried to open my mouth again-and I felt every worm, every bug, every bird squirming between my gums. They all parted as my tongue started to wag. It was slow going, but I managed to get out a sound that was close enough to words for my taste.
“I…I’m O….K,”
The man gave a nod, and pulled the cigarette from his mouth. He twisted it in his fingers to put it out, and shoved it into his jeans. He took a deep breath, and twisted his neck. It gave a poppin’ noise as he rose to his legs. His hands met his hips as he tilted his head up to look at me.
“Are you though?”
I didn’t say anything. Felt like a hive of bees were in the back of my throat, all ready to come out. But not a one buzzed on through. The man gave a nod, and tilted his head back. Towards the house, towards Grammy.
“The world out there, it’s not always nice. It’s not always what it should be to us-and it’s okay if we’re not okay. But in realizing that kid-we can’t abandon it either. There’s a lot of good people out there that love us. Love us a whole lot, and try to do what seems to be the right thing at the time. Those people, they need us. Your Grams-she’s wanting you back. It’s been months, did you know that?”
“N…..No….” I said, every syllable forced through the splinters that made my teeth.
The man nodded, and smiled. He jerked a thumb behind him, and said “You might be growing up-way up,” he said with a chuckle, “But that doesn’t mean you’re ever too big for her. She still loves-and needs-you in her life. Can you move?”
I tried. I tried and realized I couldn’t remember the last time I’d moved. Grammy had said find somewhere warm and dry-and I had. Right here in this little clearin’ out in the forest. The sun shined here like nowhere else, and I-
The earth split apart as I lifted my feet. The man staggered back, but didn’t lose his smile. Not even a little bit. I kicked up dirt and rock and earth, and gave him a nod.
“A…are you….like….me?” I sputtered out, a sparrow flying right out of my ear. At least, what used to be my ear.
The man paused, and his smile dropped. Just for a second though. He shook his head, and gave a small laugh. “No, not just like you. But weird? Oh yeah. Totally. But that’s the thing-we’re all a little weird, in our own weird ways. And it’s okay to be weird. Because it’s the most honest version of who we are, you know?”
He reached behind his back, and I smelled the tobacco without even having to look at him. He turned on his heel, and went towards the same path he’d came from.
“Come on, kid. Let’s get you home-hey, what’s your name anyways?”
I had to think a moment. A real long moment, ‘cause I almost didn’t remember. But then two syllables came to th’ front of my mind, real big and bright as a marque sign.
“K…Kudzu,”
The man smiled, and I watched the black stuff beneath his skin spiral. It twisted and contorted into long vines that took over his whole body, right into his britches. He gave me a nod, and laughed.
“Huh. Suites you. I like it,” he says. He turns, and starts hummin’ as he disappears into the trees.
“Come on then-you still know the way, right?”
@@@
Grammy notices the flowers this morning.
She steps outside, and cups them in her hands. She kisses them and tells them jokes, and funny stories about my mommy and daddy. She tells them how big they’re growing, and how beautiful they’re gonna always be. Then she goes back inside, jus’ for a minute.
She comes back out with a big plate of biscuits and gravy, and takes it over to the table near my roots. She sits down, and looks up at me with a big smile. She has breakfast, and tells me every little thing.
The strange man-with his ink and his cigarettes and birds-he comes by sometimes. He talks to me when Grammy is there, and isn’t. He tells me all kinds of stories about the world out there. About good people, weird people just like he and I.
About how they’re loved, about how they have friends. Sometimes how they help people just like them. How, if everyone kept right on keepin’ on like that, the world would be a different place.
You know?
I’m startin’ to believe him.
I grew up, and I’m still growin’. I’m a might weirder than the kids and people out there, but I’m still a person. I got a big heart, and I got people that love me. ‘Tween that and the sunshine and the rain, I realized something.
I’m gonna be just fine, just as big and bold as I wanna be. ‘Cause if the world is big enough for all them people, if that Jesus man can love everyone, well.
It’s big enough for me too, I reckon.