Good morning, and welcome to Jack’s Sack. Miss our last entry? You can catch it here. Today, we’re going to review this thing. And let me tell you, there’s a damn good reason it’s Amazon’s best seller.
Of Girth, Of Length, Of Size
Despite all of the various jokes I crack about my penis, readers of this series have noticed a common trend:
I always have trouble fitting into toys.
While I often blame this on the type of toys (Tenga Cups being the biggest offenders), I simply have a very fat penis. My dick looks like a summer sausage dipped in cat hair and bad life choices. There’s an appeal, but god all that work for it. Because of this, there’s usually a few details I’m forced to mention in reviews.
I had a hard time getting in the toy.
The toy was extremely tight.
I hit the back way too easy.
My mediocre meat found some slack with jelly toys and our more eccentric entries. Things that were pliant or psychological were no problem. Open ended toys were also a blessing. But overall, I feel like I’ve been searching for that one toy that can take me. I don’t have a long cock, but my girth has been problematic. Sure, with enough force I could get it into anything. But it shouldn’t have to be that way, especially with a market ripe with products.
I’m extremely pleased to say I finally fucking found it. And came in it. And all over it. Thank goodness clean up was so easy.
Tracy’s Dog has Got It Going On
Billed on Amazon as “Pocket Pussy,Male Masturbators Cup Adult Sex Toys Realistic Textured Pocket Vagina Pussy Man Masturbation Stroker” (christ, that’s a mouthful) by a company called Tracey’s Dog, what this toy effectively pretends to be is a Fleshlight. I have never personally handled a fleshlight toy, but have seen plenty of knockoffs. Fleshlight is a huge name in the industry-and comes with a price tag to reflect that. Imitations therefore are as inevitable as they are expected. Tracey’s Dog is the closest I have personally seen to getting the magick of a FL brand product right.
It starts with the packaging. It comes sealed in a cardboard box that clearly advertises what’s inside, with pics. As such, opt for discrete shipping. The box itself is a plain manilla coloring with some nice script, with shots of the toy. Worth mentioning here is this is a large box that contains a very large toy. Without a shadow of a doubt this is the biggest toy I have reviewed, ever. It can and will take a guy bigger than me (for those curious, I’m a fat 7 inches). I pulled the toy from the box, and was pleasantly surprised. It came inside a blue draw string bag, with three sample packs of lube. I gave a chuckle, as while the bag is certainly inconspicuous, it could easily be confused for a make-up or toiletries bag. I highly recommend hiding this thing instead of leaving it inside the bag, in plain sight.
Then I pulled the toy out.
For literal years I have joked that Bad Dragon and similar behemoth dildo companies make self defense products. I am fully convinced someone has thwarted a home invasion with Chance. Call it bias if you want, but never in my entire fucking life did I imagine a stroker could rival the size of those things. The toy itself is probably 10 inches and extremely wide. It comes with a cap at either end. One reveals the pleasantly plump cunt, the other acts as a way to “seal” the toy. While the sealing function didn’t precisely worked, it didn’t matter. I busted out fucking laughing and took a pic for twitter. If you read about a gnarly hillbilly beating a robber to death and shouting “I’M A $&%-ING WIZARD!” with a flesh light, I plead the fifth.
After the initial shock wore off, it was finally time to test the thing. The sleeve itself isn’t open at the other end, so I lubed my girth and applied some to the lips. A finger strayed and sunk past the entrance. I tried to deny the warmth in my cheeks as I lowered it onto my cock.
I feel now it’s pertinent to mention that for many, sex toys are not a facsimile of reality. And that’s okay. As with aforementioned companies, many use toys for a different and new sensation. That is totally a valid and safe way to act out your fantasies. For me, I prefer my toys to be a little on the realistic side. Even if it’s just the general shape of genitals. Past that, I accept that realism is extremely hard to pull off with toys. It’s simply a fact you have to embrace regardless of what you’re fucking. Even Bad Dragon and other fantasy toy creators aren’t making photo realistic cocks. It’s a combination of materials used, shapes and more. It’s okay for a toy to not feel real, and attempts at hyper realism are simply marketing.
However.
When you’re penetrating a partner, there’s this moment of “tightness”. Partially due to sexual arousal, partially due to all the emotions involved in having sex. Other physical elements come into play too, like kegles. It’s something that I have never felt before with sleeves/masturbators. One of those “realistic” elements that was difficult to capture, something I wrote off.
I felt that the moment the head of my cock pressed past the lips. I was surprised before I plunged deeper-and dear fucking gods.
The only element that would have fooled me into thinking I was inside of someone lacking was warmth. There are various tricks you can try to get close to that, but in the moment I didn’t care. I placed the toy on my mattress, and pulled my hips back. My cock emerged with a wet, sticky pop. I gave a gasp, gripped myself and shoved it all the way in. No matter how deeply I plunged or bucked, the toy always had more room. In having that, it didn’t sacrifice tightness at all. The most surprising element for me was how incredibly realistic it felt. The Amazon product page gives a cross section of it if you’re interested. And yeah-it’s damn close.
I was so into using the toy that when I came, I plunged as deep as I could. I gave it everything, just as I would with a real partner. When I pulled out, my load dripped from the lips. So I went for another round, the walls sticky with my last load. And I came again, very fucking hard. Clean up was a snap. I simply pulled the sleeve from the plastic sheath, flipped it inside out and washed it. Simple enough, though open-ended toys have spoiled me.
Since that initial night, this has been the toy I’ve turned to. Not because it was new-but because it so perfectly fools me into thinking it’s a real cunt. If I close my eyes, it damn near is. The quality surpasses the mere sub thirty dollar tag by a fucking lot, and I’m not surprised it’s Amazon’s best seller in the category.
The realism of the toy also made the pics I took look stellar.
Handy Girlfriends
I’ve reviewed a lot of toys over the last year. Many of them incredibly affordable for what they are. Many of them, given their price point, a matter of personal preference.
This is the first time I have ever felt the need to say something is a “must buy” if you’re in the market. This toy does such a fantastic job for what it is, and is big enough to accomodate massive cock. This is very much a A-grade quality cum recepticle, and will be the very first thing I recommend when people ask.
Trust me.
Pet Tracey’s Dog.