The Church Of The Infinite Grin: Sermon 1
From The Desk Of The Grand Jester
“Sermon 1: Welcome and Salutations”
Jack L., Grand Jester Residing, Guru, Laughing Stock In Chief
Well, if this isn’t a wonderful sight.
Good day, Welcome, Hola, however your tongue decides to wag. It’s my divine mirthful pleasure to welcome you all into the blinding eclipse of The Grin. I assure you, regardless of your path, ability to donate, prior allegiances, outstanding debt or sins-we’ve a smile to share with you. You’re welcome here at The Church Of The Infinite Grin.
That does beg the question though, doesn’t it-for I know some of you have heard of us. Many haven’t, though-and that lot makes up this crowd.
So.
I shall begin at the most sensical spot.
The up turned lips of it all.
Do imbibe, roll or dab whatever ails you. We don’t need a clear head-just an empty one. We’ve quite a lot of explaining to do, and every square inch of gray matter is vital. Pour out what you’ve been taught, every drop. Grease it well-and let us slide right in to every fold.
The Church of The Infinite Grin Is NOT A CULT
I find it absolutely vital that despite liberally borrowing from the corporate structure of religion, The Church of The Infinite Grin (henceforth referred to as “The Church”, “The Grin”) is not a cult. Any associations, drawn conclusions or implied mental coercions are simply side effects of whatever recreations you just partook in. We are not a cult. We will never ask you to leave behind your worldly possessions or give them to me. We encourage you to keep all social and familial relations as you see fit. We follow no formal structure whatsoever. All titles, supernatural abilities, assumed financial gain either in the waking world or hereafter are superfluous. For the third and final time-we are not a cult.
The Church is NOT a POLITICAL MOVEMENT
I find it absolutely pertinent as well (though to a far lesser degree) to state that we are not a political body or movement. We here at The Grin find all political parties, armed goons, grossly misinformed do-gooders, ne’er do wells, frames of ownership and view to be no less or more inherently true than one another. They’re all satires of the human condition. We will never donate, coerce, blackmail or otherwise “own” a politician-unless they choose to join, in which case any and all comments made in private or in public should be assumed as inherent literal truths recorded for posteriety and austeriety. Consider this your first warning. We are not a political group, though members are free to engage in their own frames of understanding in order to satiate their sanity. However-while we are not a political group in any fashion-the church will loudly, vocally and chaotically express themselves should the needs of the many outweigh the pockets of a few. Consider that your second warning. Lastly, if any political body should attempt to engage us, any and all memberships to The Grin will be denied forthwith. We’re too proud to be bought and too broke to be moved by your words. Third warning, that.
What The Church Of The Infinite Grin ACTUALLY IS
The Grin is not a physical thing, though it takes space. The Grin is not a person, though we are many. The Grin is not a god, though it can’t be placed in a box.
The Grin is the muse and the nightmare. The Grin is the warmth of a smile, the chill of a laugh in the dark. The grin can turn the heart into a furnace and make it smolder to ash.
The Grin is already within you, even if you’ve yet to accept it.
The Grin stands eternal. Empires have risen and crumbled, gods have died and entire people have been genocided from the face of the planet. When the last light of day sets on on us, still The Grin will remain. For within The Grin stands the power to laugh in the face of creation as the fruitless, naive endeavor it is. Yet, it’s one The Grin enables and blesses us with-for it’s the greatest joke of all.
The Church exists to turn over, examine, probe and dissect these ideals. We smile when the world can’t. We laugh as the rivers around us run red with blood. And in the clawing darkness, we dare to smirk with with such radiance it drives back the shadows.
We choose to meet a dying world with a tongue of barbs-and the hilarious idea that it’s worth saving.
For we are nothing without an audience. The Grin only ceases when no one else is laughing.
Call us naive.
Call us fools, idiots, charlatans, tricksters, shysters, morons, imbeciles, witches, warlocks, cooks, dumbasses and crooks.
Frankly speaking, they all likely fit in one form or another. But if you’ve to set your heart on calling us anything at all?
Call us Jesters.
How To Join The Grin: Assuming a Title
As stated previously-The Grin is with you always. If you accept it or reject it, it dwells within your heart all the same. Your acknowledgement, however non-existant or obtuse, does not imply eligibility or voluntary denouncement. To quote the wise phrase of a wiser stage-You’re here forever.
Heavens, what to do with that information?
It’s simple, actually-forget about it. Forget everything you’re reading once you’re done scrolling. Go about your day, and fill your mind with the menial details of living. Consider this a self-destructing salvation. You’ll no more remember this entry than you will the mushy clouds of a dream come morning.
However.
We would be remiss if we didn’t mention the sticky details.
For there will come a time you think of The Church and The Grin. Perhaps you’ll laugh at a joke no one gets. You’ll smirk at the babbling of groundlings. Or-as seems to be the case with the world as of late-you’ll be so overwhelmed all you can do is Grin and bare it.
In these most heinously serious moments, we encourage you to give into those feelings. That laugh, that smirk, that grin. Give in to it’s overwhelming power-and move yourself to whatever actions arise. For in doing such you’ve just ascended to the (second) oldest profession-Jester.
Jesters, clowns and other laugh-lobbers have existed well beyond written language. Before Christ, Mohammed and Jim Jones sought to sway hearts, the Jesters invoked The Grin. Jesters have caused and stopped wars. Jesters bring miraculous turnarounds and deathly phrases. Jesters, like the Grin, are immortal within defining seconds.
You can be a Jester and be a part of the church, or totally ignorant of it. For The Grin is with you always, again.
However.
The Church, in our infinite hours of scholarly, nuanced and informed discussions have found a few key details. We choose to share them now, with the admission that no one “true” way to join The Church exists.
However.
We strongly encourage you to consider these findings.
The Rule of Three
Our “sister” belief Discordianism found in their studies a “Rule Of Five”. Essentially, the rule states that things consistently come in fives for some god forsaken reason. We here at The Church forgive the Discordians for their overwhelming and abundant ignorance. Within our studies, we have found “three” to be the appropriate number. If a Jester is to work a craft for whatever reason-it’s to be delivered three times. Once for shock value, the second for the hilarity to sink in, and third for trauma or drama. Three is also a powerful number in the (also overwhelming and abundantly ignorant) study of Numerology. Humor yourself if you see fit. Likewise, the abrahamic faiths place value on three for various reasons.
Treat them as you would Numerology and Discordianism, Jesters. Three is the perfect number. Three friends are balanced in power. Three lovers can fill a bed comfortably. Three cats can provide a heart with love. To assume anymore is necessary is greedy-and overwhelmingly and abundantly ignorant. What are you, a billionaire?
Occulum Superfluem
The Grin (and by proxy, The Church) operate in a unique capacity to worldly titles, governments and peoples. As The Grin stands eternal regardless, things such as titles, lordships and assumed merits are inherently meaningless. They’re jokes to motivate children. Baubles and gimgaws to build an easily shattered ego.
We call this principle Occulum Superfluem-roughly translated, it means “what my eyes behold are superfluous at best”.
A crown, a suit and a dollar bill hold no more sway over a Jester than vaporous concepts, college degrees and inflated egos. There is nothing within the waking world that will outlast The Grin, The Church and their holy Jesters. As such, we encourage you to assume whatever titles you feel fit-for you’ve already the most important one of all.
No Gods Or Kings Means All Are Welcome
The Grin and The Church do not formally recognize the minute existences of any gods, governments or saints. As such, we are not beholden unto their antiquated concepts on gender, sex and personal identity. We here at The Church firmly believe that your inner being, outer being and fellow beings are yours to decide. Live so that others envy your freedom, love and effortless good looks.
However-we make one solid promise:
We will find the old gods that made you feel this way. We will find those foolish power-saturated beings that dared to place you in a body you can’t always love. We will absolutely and utterly kick their entire fucking ass all over the cosmos for ever being so cruel as to place anyone in a home that couldn’t give them the love they needed. And when we’re done, we’ll make their pets love us more than them. We’ll eat their leftovers and shit on their couch. We’ll be the child their parents prefer.
Even with such retribution, we will not rest until they have utterly answered for their crimes against humanity. This we promise, in full.
In the mean time-we here at The Church believe all are loved, valid and wanted. We will never turn you away for any reason. You will always have a home with us.
In Closing
It’s my sincere hope that you’ve been enlightened to what we are about here. Likewise, I hope that you stay with us, and laugh with us. I look forward to crafting a world in which we can all smile-and obliterate those that don’t.
Yours always,
Jack
Grand Jester Residing, Guru, Laughing-Stock-In-Chief