No Nut November: From Memes To Reality
Do ya’ balls hurt? Mine fucking do, and it’s only day four.
Morning, afternoon, whatever time it is where you are. It matters not the hour-only the month. One so many of us are beholden to. Perhaps it’s out of jest, perhaps out of some real, actual idea it might help. Regardless of your reasons-No Nut November has come. Even if you won’t.
But what’s the fucking deal with NNN anyways? Is it an actual “thing” that can “benefit” you in any way?
Today, I’m going to tell you every little thing. So buckle up, and make some room for those swollen balls.
But First, Public Safety
Before we delve too deep, I want to make something perfectly clear:
There’s no such thing as too much masturbation unless it’s causing you physical pain.
I want you to read that sentence as many times as it takes. I want it to sink deeply into your brain, and root itself there. There’s literally no “set” or “unsafe” amount of masturbation. You can jack off or flick your bean as much as you want. There isn’t going to be some boogeyman that jumps out of your closet and yells at you about personal health. Unless it is causing you physical pain, do your thing.
The reason I mention this first because that concept-that masturbation is somehow bad or unhealthy in any way-is the core of NNN. NNN might be a meme, but it’s a meme focused on reducing bodily autonomy and sexual freedom. It’s a thought process not unlike all those religious institutions that tell you touching your dick will make Jesus cry. NNN is thus an idea built around the viral effectiveness of misinformation and our innate lack of understanding of our own bodies.
Wait, What?!
Yep. NNN is a joke that, like others, is a tool for slow-rolling submission to authoritarian thought. It’s one we bought wholesale and spread through the usual channels of mainstream consumption. Reddit, Twitter and others provide the perfect echo chamber where memes themselves can dictate social norms. Thus, if everyone else is doing NNN, why not do it too?
No, seriously. If you’re doing NNN right now, it’s probably because one of your buddies told you to. Isn’t it? See how easily you gave up consent to your own body?
And you did it for the simplest of reasons. Just to beat the other guy. Just to jokingly gain some kind of “wizard tier focus”.
That’s not how your body works.
That’s not how your body works at all, dear.
You’re not magically going to see a spike in testosterone levels because you’re not jerking off. That takes exercise, preferably by lifting very heavy weights. You’re not going to become smarter-that takes enriching yourself in places NNN typically doesn’t touch. You’re not going to gain more focus-get off your ass and go talk to your doctor about your ADHD. All of the things you believe NNN will accomplish will, at best, appear by proxy of doing other things. Correlation is not causation. If you want to test this theory, jerk off and still do all of the above. Wow, it’s like magic isn’t it?
NNN is a puddle-shallow attempt at having a large populace surrender choice. And it works incredibly well by preying upon masculine culture and internet communication.
Knowing NNN is a sham doesn’t mean it’s all bad though. As someone actively participating, I’d like to give some reasons to keep going. Maybe these work for you, maybe not. I’d also like to clarify that these are all based on my own experience, and have no scientific backing. I’d never mislead you like NNN has.
To Nut, Or Not Nut.
The immediate benefit of NNN?
Free time. Minutes and hours out of the day are suddenly open. Plenty of time to get caught up on your reading, practicing an artform, or even not look at porn. I’ve spent my own time eagerly enjoying Outer Worlds. Maybe you can finally show the owl from Duolingo you’ve been practicing. Don’t forget it’s NaNoWriMo-plenty of time to finish that novel you’ve penned since HS. Regardless, time is invaluable. It’s worth far more than a simple orgasm.
Because NNN is inherently a socially spread concept, it does open discussion on sexuality and health. I’ve had several people ask me questions about masturbation they might never have had the opportunity to ask otherwise. Sometimes these questions lead to talking about cock and balls in an exploratory fashion.
Sometimes it’s lead to my friends realizing they kinda enjoy those things in ways they weren’t aware of. NNN, at the least, achieves what few other things can. It gets people talking candidly and frankly about their bodies.
NNN also can in theory make when you do masturbate feel more intense by virtue of abstention. Seriously, taking some time off from loosin’ the goop can make the return fucking intense. Two years ago during NNN, I made it 23 entire days. My partner at the time finally pinned me down and said “I want your dick”.
It’s the only time in my entire life I came close to imitating hentai cumshots. I still laugh about it even now.
Lastly, NNN can just be dumb fun. Over on the Splathouse Discord, we’ve had a server-wide (voluntary) push for NNN. It’s lead to all of us joking around about levitating rocks with our brains and sending each other porn. The very thing that makes NNN so heinous-virulent communication of an ideal-has also lead to those participating speaking to each other every day. It’s enhanced our socializing rather than detracted from it by soft-forcing interaction. By being something we as friends are doing collectively, it’s the lowest barrier in-joke to keep us all smiling.
Slapping The Salami at Thanksgiving
NNN is both one of the several-hundred tentacled arms of horridly conservative ideals about sexuality-and just a joke. It’s something that left unguarded in certain groups could open the door to some really heinous shit.
So if you’re going to participate? Here’s some rules and tips that might help.
If you wanna nut, just fucking nut.
Seriously. Just do it. Just touch your dick and enjoy your own body. Nobody is stopping you. It feels good, it could help your prostate. Just touch your fucking dick.
Ain’t no fun if the homies can’t have none.
Do it with friends who are awesome and radical and send you porn. Do it with people who won’t take it seriously. Do it for fun.
No seriously, go lift, go talk to your doctor, go read.
Time is a finite and infinitely valuable resource. Take the time you get during the month, and put it towards improving yourself or your community. November is only thirty-one days-but our deeds can last beyond death.
But most of all-do what enables you to enjoy yourself, and your body, the most.
Take care.
-J