Welcome to Jack’s Sack, a series where I review sex toys. Miss the previous entry? You can read it here. Today we’re going to be talking about the Tenga Deep Throat Cup. Let’s go.
On the Metaphysical and Spiritual Application of Cock Pockets
I’m a simple man.
I like coffee, cats and my cock. Not together, mind. I enjoy the sound of laughter. The feel of the sun on my neck. I enjoy my life likewise. I’m smart enough to know I don’t know everything-save that I have a good life. It’s enough. I’m happy. But, as with every simple existence, there comes a time for more. We’re human. We can’t help it, can we? Those questions that seem to bubble from the aether of the collective conscious. The ones that keep us up at night. I get those questions, just like you. Questions that make me feel smart that I can’t possibly answer.
What happens to us when we die?
If god exists, does he care about us?
Are my ancestors smiling upon me?
I let them float through my mind until sleep grips me mercifully. On occasion though, I think I’m just a tad clever. That maybe I do have an answer, or an inkling of one. I figure myself to be as capable as Heracles. A god-scholar among mere mortals, ready to rise to any challenge. Ready to answer any riddle, any situation.
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick after all.
But then comes the reality of my own mortal existence. In mere moments I’m laid low, Greecian tragedy in the flesh. My weakness, exposed and capitalized by those same questions I once thought so simple.
I thought I had a good dick. One that could champion the cause of fucking everything put before me.
Oh, gods.
How simple and stupid I was.
For though my bravado was powerful, it simply wasn’t enough. So I sit here, recounting all of this to you dear reader. With a massive stain on the carpet, and my cock still smelling sweet.
The tale goes as such.
The Arrival of The Succubus In The Hall of Our Hero
It was a crisp, lovely afternoon. The kind people pray for.
I’d just finished with the work day. I’d been paid-in cash, at that. With a coin in my pocket and a grin, I arrived home to find a package on my doorstep. It was a simple thing-a white plastic bag, dotted with the emblem of an empire. But it was the circular bulge protruding that made me smile. Oh, I thought, Oh, how I love my deviants.
Before I go any further, know this: Though it was your collective exploits that defeated me I still love you. For love surpasses all things, even death.
I opened the package, my grin wide as I saw a friendly sight. Red and curvaceous, accentuated by white stripes. Such a simple thing, but so evocative in its simplicity even Aphrodite would be jealous. I sat it in my drawer of things (Oh, you have one too) and didn’t think about it. I had work, I had friends to talk with. I had this simple, beautiful life I had to live. I wasn’t the hero, not in that moment. I didn’t figure myself brave, or capable. Just a man, like so many.
Then Saturday came, and my bravado grew with the throbbing of my most trusted spear. I came home from work, and delved into the drawer.
Do you think Ahab looked upon the whale with bravery? Or in his final moments, did he admit fear? None known but he, but as I gaze back on this moment, I think I know. It’s a secret I’ll take to the grave. But much like he, I was in the moment. It wasn’t a question of fight or flight. There was only the doing left, without falter. And so I tore at the label, and freed my rubbery temptress from her prison. I pulled the sticker at the top, a sigil that bore no warning against removal.
In fact, it encouraged it.
I was moments from devastation. But I popped the bottom from the tenga, as it’s ancient summoning requested. In doing so, a fat, thick slather of lube splattered against the floor. I paid it little mind-it was a small thing. A minute detail, but much like those that fought in Normandy on that fated day? One that sticks with me, even now. Such a small thing, but a telling sign of the cumming undoing.
I lifted the demoness, my spear aimed at its heart.
And right away thought I had a real fuckin’ problem.
My dick is utterly mediocre in every way. Like, if my dick was in a line up, it would be utterly indistinguishable from the other dicks. I’m not huge, I’m not girthy. I’m Dick, Plane and tall. But as the tip of my cock pointed at the hole, I paused. Like, as totally fucking average as my dick was, I was easily three times the size of the hole. I seriously questioned if I could even get in the thing at all.
Unlike the Tenga Eggs I reviewed, these stay in their plastic containers. They aid in the contours and shape of the sleeve itself, and give stability. I’m sure some super freak out there has figured out a way to free them without tearing the sleeve. To be totally honest, I was too horny in the moment to care. I was too exhausted to try. Being pre-lubed was a really nice touch. Unlike with the Tenga eggs, these had plenty of lube. So I took a deep breath, and plunged myself into the hole.
Okay, not on the first try. I had to go slow, and kinda shoved myself in there. But when I finally was?
Holy fuck.
The average guy can go roughly 7-10 minutes before ejaculating. That’s with normal, moderate sex and masturbation. With intense stimulation, this can easily be cut much lower. And hey, don’t try to brag about your stamina. Regardless of what kind of shape you’re in, you’re still human. It’s totally okay to admit you don’t last long.
I absolutely didn’t. Within just a few minutes of the tenga squeezing and caressing, I had to cum. And I’m not talking about a minor fucking load. I hadn’t came since the day before, so I wasn’t expecting a lot.
There was so much fucking cum I splattered my phone when I pulled out. It splat against the floor in a thick puddle. It took me a moment just to realize what happened, and how fucking quick it happened. I was absolutely flabbergasted. Because like, that’s just not supposed to fucking HAPPEN, right?!
But it did-and it was aided entirely by the design. The cup itself? You can hold your finger over that hole at the end where the label was. Or even leave it on. These things come vacuum sealed and ready. But let’s say you leave that hole uncovered-the actual structure of the sleeve and cup itself are so tight they milk you. Fuck, do they ever.
But I couldn’t stand for this-I’m fucking Heracles. I’m a fucking porn star (of a sort). So after the refractory period settled down, I willed myself to rise again. Sophia Rose totally helped. I plunged hard into the tenga, and was as unforgiving as it had been to me. I gave it absolutely every single inch of me without remorse. My previous load made it all so damned sticky, though.
I lasted just a smidge longer. I’ll take that as a hollow victory.
On The Economics of Dicking
So. The tenga cups-at least the Deep Throat-are great. But how do they stack up to the others?
The Tenga 3d series is reusable, but only as tight as you allow it. This can be great for sure, but sometimes you want a lazy fap. The cup doesn’t have this issue-it’s tight and ready to steal your soul into it’s sticky confines. It’s affordable like the Tenga Eggs, a similar one time use product. The difference is a few dollars, if that depending on your seller. However, unlike the eggs? There’s no easy way to clean it, much less reuse it. And you do clean your sex toys, don’t you?
Likewise, there’s the very obvious environmental concern, as there would be with any plastics product. While I’m sure you could recycle these (at least the plastic “cup”), it’s not like your local center is taking used sex toys. However, if there IS a place or method to dispose of these, I am all ears.
Final thoughts?
The tenga deep throat cup was an absolute delight. I gave me a really strong, powerful orgasm that left one hell of a mess. Even though it looks too tight, it absolutely can take you. Unless your dick is like a foot, foot and a half or something. However, if you’re shopping for a reusuable sex toy, consider giving the eggs a nod. The tenga deep throat absolutely performed better, but you can clean the eggs and get a few uses out of them.
A great product.
Wanna keep this series going? Buy something on my Wish List!