Welcome to Jack’s Sack, our review series on sex toys. If you missed our last entry on the Tenga 3d Zen, you can read it here. Otherwise, let’s dive right in to this week’s topic-the Tenga easy-beat egg.
Stretchy-Stretchy
It fit her entire arm.
It’s 2004. I’m in sex ed class, and our teacher is showing us how “anyone can fit a condom”. She opens one up and stretches the rubber over her hand. It makes it to her elbow before she splays her fingers, and glares at us.
“You boys have no excuse,” she says. She grips it, and snaps it off her hand. I’m surprised she didn’t send it flying. God, I would have laughed. Everyone would have.
I think back to that moment a lot when I’m picking out condoms. Almost every time, actually. Especially considering I’ve busted several. Especially now that I’m-well-me, and people are sending rubbers of a different sort through the mail. No matter how thick or thin the material is, there’s always this moment of hesitation. Am I going to utterly destroy this thing? Is it actually going to fit? Am I going to have to pick shredded latex out of someone’s coochie?
Hey, don’t panic. Condoms today are actually pretty shred proof. Unless you’ve got a kaiju cock or like, fuck like you’re going to war. But that unknown fear is realized all over again when it comes to sex toys. When I saw two Tenga eggs purchased for me, I was super excited. Hey! People are sending me stuff in the mail to FUCK!
Then those old stray fears came creeping forward. Oh god, just how SMALL are these things?!?!
Dear deviants, I’m here to say you’ve nothing to fear. Well maybe one or two things. Just maybe.
Better Than Easter
The Tenga Eggs are billed as disposable, one-time use masturbation toys for your dick. They come in a variety of styles, named everything from the innocuous “Swirl” to “Spider”. I’ve absolutely NO idea who thought calling something meant for your dick “Spider” was a good idea. I blame a translation error. The difference between them lay inside the thin, rubber sleeve itself. The “Swirl” is raised ridges, kind of like the 3D zen I recently reviewed. “Clicker” has soft rubber studs inside. For well under ten dollars, they’re an intriguing and cute option at a VERY affordable price point. Especially if you’re new to sex toys.
However, there’s a few things I want to touch on before the meat of the review:
About the one time use: For a variety of environmental reasons, Tenga eggs seem the “irresponsible” choice. As far as I know, they’re not made from reusable or biodegradable materials. Officially you get a “single” use out of them. Unofficially however, that’s absolutely not the case. A simple google search shows plenty of ways to properly clean your tenga egg. It also reveals their “Shelf life” to be anything from a half dozen times to dozens. The determining factor here seems to be just how hard you beat your egg. As such, the environmental appeal of the Tenga egg goes up in my personal opinion. They won’t last forever-but will last far longer than one time.
And besides, you are cleaning your sex toys, right?
Will You Fit?: Okay, I’m going to be real here. I don’t have a huge dick. I have a very average dick. The tenga egg-sleeve and all-is about the size of a regular easter egg. For those of you that have no idea how big that is, it’s slightly larger than a real egg. When I first pulled the tenga out, it fit right over the head of my cock. The material is stretchy, but if you’re especially big or thick, you may want to avoid it. More on that now.
So. A Swirl and Clicker arrived in my mail. I had a pretty rough day at work, so I was delighted these came in. Especially since Amazon fulfilled them in discreet packaging-as UPS delivered them accidentally to my neighbor. AHHHHHHHHH. The shipping label said “personal health item”, and my neighbor didn’t bat an eye. Phew. I ran home with my cheeks burning, and pulled them out.
To start off, the Eggs very much fulfill my “can I hide this” quotient. They literally look like snow-white easter eggs once you pull the label off. Inside was the rubber sleeve itself, a plastic tube with a sample pack of lube and instructions. You can easily hide these things out in the open. That said, if someone gets curious and opens them, you better have an excuse. At least here in the US people seem drawn to opening easter eggs in search of candy. While the treat inside is no less sweet, it’s for an audience of one.
When I first opened it up, I wasn’t sure if the sleeve was supposed to stay in the egg. Given the size, I thought these were purely meant for stimulating the head of my dick. Curiosity got the better of me, and I pulled the sleeve out. Right away, it was pretty apparent how thin the sleeve was. It wasn’t quite an ultra thin condom, but obviously wasn’t as thick as the 3d Zen. I started getting flashbacks to health class, and decided to give it a try. I took the sample pack of lube, and poured it into the sleeve.
I want to mention here that while the sample packs of lube are nice, I personally don’t think there’s enough. I highly recommend picking up a bottle of your preferred brand. The amount Tenga sends seems to seep into the contours of their toys, and doesn’t give enough slickness. I like my toys nice, slick and juicy-kinda like the real thing. I ended up having to add more to it before I started using the toy.
When I was nice and hard, I pulled the sleeve from the lower half of the cup. I pressed the head of my cock against the hole (about the size of a nickel), and pressed inside.
And right away got worried.
The sleeve was just big enough to fit the tip of my cock. I kinda laughed, and gently tugged at it. Then every single fear I had went away, just like that. The sleeve is more than stretchy and pliable enough to glide over the entire length of your member. I did a few gentle strokes at first before I pulled it all the way down my shaft. It didn’t give, it didn’t rip even for a second. I relaxed, and let myself enjoy the toy fully.
During use, the thinness of the material became even more apparent. It’s actually a good thing-the toy is pliable right out of the box (shell?), and has a “broke in” feel. As you push the air from the sleeve, it wraps even tighter around your cock-but doesn’t stop being stretchy. Given the price point of these, that’s fantastic. Likewise, if you’re into viewing your own genitals at work (c’mon, I know some of you are), there’s indeed something erotic about seeing the material stretch so thin you see yourself. When I finally came, there was a rush in seeing just how much I filled the toy up.
That said, because of its size the tenga eggs are a messy affair. Especially if you take them all the way down your shaft. I splattered cum all over the floor when I pulled out. While this isn’t an issue for me personally, I know some people may not be into that. You’re absolutely going to want a towel.
After I finished, I decided to try and clean the egg. Like the 3D zen, it was a super simple affair. Flip it inside out, get some warm water and a toy cleanser. Wash, and let it air dry. Flip it back inside out, and put it in the shell. I’ve absolutely zero idea how much more use I’ll get from my eggs, but they withstood even the deepest buck of my dick. I’m confident in saying I’ll probably get plenty of use from them.
The Incredible, Fuckable Egg
Overall, I found the Tenga eggs a very pleasing entry point into sleeves. If you’re on a super tight budget or are just curious? Grab some. They’re a toy that won’t break the bank and provide a pleasant experience. Plus if you’re the cheeky type, they would make a great party favor around easter.