Hi there, and welcome to Jack’s Sack. Don’t give me that look-It’s a WORKING TITLE, okay? Christ.
So, Jack’s Sack is an article series in which I’ll review any sex toys purchased for me off my wishlist. Yeah, fairly pedestrian stuff, I know. However, we’re going to handle things slightly differently here.
This article series is “Paid, but not sponsored”. What that means is, all toys reviewed here are purchased by one of you from my Amazon Wishlist. This ensures that these reviews can keep occurring without a compromise or bias.
Jack’s Sack won’t use a alpha-numeric rating system. They’re impractical and passe, and frankly dumb to apply to things like this. My body is different than yours-though our experiences might be similar, they’ll differentiate based on your sensitivity, familiarity with toys, and even minute stuff like lube. So, fuck a rating system. We don’t need it.
Lastly, the primary focus of this-as with all I do-is to normalize discussion of sexuality. I say it every time I produce something, but you are all loved, valued and wanted. Those three facets can be expressed in any number of ways-including self love.
So, with that out of the way, let’s get started.
The House Always Wins:
A friend once told me the easiest bets are those you’re sure on. The fact this guy was a compulsive gambler actually aided his claim. His losses never totaled being in the hole by twenty bucks, and he was always up. While I don’t enjoy gambling as much as I used to, I keep that line in mind. It comes in handy, especially when I’m exhibiting the one aspect of my person prone to trouble:
I brag like a fuck. Big, loud, and at a scale that would make godzilla feel small. I only brag on things I’m sure of, and I’m damned sure of myself at all times. I’m rarely called on something I can’t back up-and any excuse to show off is always a valid one. So when my friend Jaz said she knew a sex toy that would drain me in less than five minutes? What else was I supposed to do except say “Fuck that, you’re lying”?
Jaz later messaged me that night with a link. She said “Hey, add this to your wishlist”.
“What for?” I replied.
“Jack, this is the thing. Just do it okay?” she said.
Now, I’m a pliable sort. Especially for my friends, and especially when they’re cute. But I decided to click the link just to check first. That’s the responsible thing to do, right?
The link ended up being the Tenga Zen 3D, something that doesn’t look like a sex toy. I mean, just look at the thing. Doesn’t it look like some kind of weird modern art sculpture? Something more at home on some executive’s desk than his dick? All the same, I added it to the wishlist. Jaz ordered it before I could blink. All that was left to do was wait.
At this point, I should probably mention this isn’t the first sleeve I’ve owned. I’ve had all kinds of knock-offs and improvised dickery over the years. The pringles can with the car sponges and a glove? Tried it. Surprisingly effective, too. This horrid abomination? Well not that EXACT one, but I’d had similar. The thing with sleeves is, not all sleeves are created equal. Some use sub-par rubber, designs and more. Some don’t. Some might use something you’re allergic to as well. So, just as you wouldn’t stick your dick where you’re unsure, some basic things to check with toys:
Is this thing going to fucking kill me?: Can you see if there’s any materials you’re allergic to here? No? Are you allergic to latex or something similar? If so, do you really wanna be rushed to the hospital and have to explain that? If you can’t tell what a manufacturer used to make the toy, you’re taking a risk. Likewise, not all sex toy materials are safe for your holes. Do a five minute google dive before you buy. It doesn’t take Dick Tracy to crack this case. For the record, all Tenga products use non-toxic and body safe materials, which is a good thing.
And y’all, don’t put rocks in your holes. There’s literal essay length articles by doctors on why that’s a dumb idea.
Can this thing take repeated use?: Again, not all sex toys are created equal. When you first get a sleeve regardless of manufacturer, they’re all “tight”. That’s kind of the point. However after repeated use, they’ll loosen up depending on how H.A.M you go on them. What you want to do is read the reviews of customers that had these things a month at least. Almost everyone is going to say “OMG it made me CUM like a VOLCANO” after the first use. Scroll a little further, and take notes from the folks that have broke theirs in. And remember, there is a breaking in period. It’s not that your sex toy is “shitty” or you’ve lost sensitivity. The materials used have simply stretched. Take it as a compliment to how hard of a fucker you can be.
H-How easily can I hide this thing?: Chances are overwhelmingly likely you either have a room mate, a partner, or parents that like to drop in totally unannounced to guilt you about grand children. I don’t think it’s a bad idea to consider how easily you can conceal a sex toy when purchasing. Most of us have our drawers, spots under the bed and underground fallout-proof bunkers. These are all great places-but we can still get caught unaware sometimes. There’s a huge line of sex toys that can easily be concealed, or simply look like something else. If you live with people, this is a detail absolutely worth considering.
Unless the people you live with are totally fucking awesome. In which case, happy fapping.
Into The Swirling Mouth Of The Succubus:
The tenga arrived on a thursday afternoon. I spotted it on my porch after work, and muttered a sweaty thanks for discrete packaging. It didn’t weigh very much at all, which kinda surprised me. After I made it inside and gulped a gallon of water (NC heat is no joke), I pulled out a knife and cut it open.
Inside, the Zen 3D was secured with wrap and tape. Still fresh in the package. This brings up a really important point: Do not use sex toys if the packaging has been damaged. You wanna catch an STI? That’s how the fuck you catch an STI. I sat it on my desk, and pulled away the tape and the wrapping.
Right off the bat, I couldn’t help but chuckle. It didn’t look like a sex toy. The base was black plastic, with the sleeve inside a clear tube. It easily could be left on a desk and mistook for a speaker or something similar. That is, so long as the passerby didn’t know what the TENGA company makes. Their logo is proudly emblazoned on the base. There are several others in the 3D line with different textures. They, like this, could easily be mistook for a speaker or desk toy as well.
I pulled the clear top off, and was happy to hear a satisfying click. It had been totally sealed.
Before I did anything else, I reached forward and poked the thing. I wanted to see how soft it was before it engulfed my dick. My smile widened as my finger sunk deep into the micro-ridged texture. I lifted it off the stand, and just held it. Without lube, the Tenga was super soft. I personally enjoy softer toys, so my grip can determine how tight they are. This is important after the “break in” period. More on that in a moment.
I picked the base up, and found there was a small compartment on the bottom. I pulled it away, and a nice sample pack of tenga lube hit the desk. Reading over the instructions, I realized the tiny cup beneath the base could be used to hold the toy until you were ready to use it. I thought this was a really dumb feature at first. Actually though, it’s came in handy. Being able to have the tenga ready to get fucked as I stroke has actually saved time and mess.
So, as for how it actually felt…
I’m proud to say I lasted longer than Jaz had claimed. There’s even video proof, so this claim can NOT be disputed. Granted, it was seven minutes instead of five-which I assure all reading this with any sexual interest in me is not my norm. I swear. I got the stamina of a tiger on cocain, promise. But when I finally came, it was with a million brain synapses firing simultaneously. I broke out into a sweat, diving my dick into the tenga all the way. I came hard.
Clean up was surprisingly easy. A little soap and warm water, and the Tenga 3d Zen was ready to use after an air dry. Always clean your sex toys after use to avoid general grossness and spreading STIs if you have one. This isn’t optional. Don’t be a bum.
I’ve used the Tenga pretty religiously over the last month. I’ve done everything from gentle strokes to hardcore, deep bucks. The Tenga “broke in” after about two weeks, but being looser actually made it more fun. I can squeeze the air from it and grip it ultra tight. I can stretch it over my cock, which makes the ridges longer and more tightly packed. Overall, breaking in this toy was a good thing-not a bad one. While I can’t speak for the other 3d Models, I expect they have similar performance. If you’d like to purchase one for me to test, you can do so on my Amazon Wishlist.
Conclusion:
I’ve gotta say, for roughly thirty american before shipping, Tenga made a really enjoyable product. There’s worse sex toys out there for much more. The spirals on the 3D zen have proven really fun, especially along the tip of my cock. Likewise, it doesn’t look like a sex toy, meaning you can avoid potentially embarrassing situations. If you’re looking for a well-priced product to fuck, I’d absolutely have a look at these.
-J