A Sit and A Pint (Romance, Orc x Princess)
(FIC)Here’s something for the fic queue. Gaelira is a tall, buff Orc woman with a simple plan: kidnap princess Aolani and hold her hostage for an absurd ransom. The two of them falling for each other was not part of that plan
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(Note: I decided to take a different approach with this request. I did so to increase my own interest in writing it, and to try something different. The following story is all dialogue, a first for me. If you’ve any comments on it, please feel free to contact me anonymously on CuriousCat)
“Oi! There she is! What a lovely day, aye love?”
“Stuff it, Tomlin. I’ve a puzzle in my head missing pieces, and I’m in no mood for trite,”
“Hey hey, we can’t have that. Take a sit and a pint?”
“By all means. You’ve coin?”
“For my chieftess, always. Malrek! Two grogs, inna snap! And smile while you do it-Gaelira’s here,”
“Didn’t I tell you I’m in no mood for trite, Tomlin?”
“Aye, to me. But that’s Malrek’s natural state-he can’t help it, savvy?”
“I suppose. How goes it?”
“Well as it can, well as it can…and our guest?”
“That’d be the puzzle I mentioned,”
“I figured. Oi, here’s the grog. To your father?”
“Indeed,”
“May he bloody skulls in the hereafter, ever and ever. Blech, right bitter that is. So. This puzzle. What pieces are we missing?”
“Well-they’re not missing, per say. She’s still here-”
“Aye, I’ve seen her about the camp,”
“-and therein lies the problem. Her continued presence. You sent the messenger, didn’t you?”
“U-uh,aye. We did,”
“And?”
“And what?”
“Tomlin, don’t play the daft greenskin with me. Did they return?”
“Well, we had the one messenger, right?”
“You need to keep count?”
“Well no, but see, there was two that came back?”
“Two?”
“Aye! He made a friend!”
“How the bloody hell did a messenger for a kidnapping make a friend?!”
“Well, that bit about the kindness of the king, right? And how it extends over and over all his lands, right?”
“…Yes?”
“Well, what I’m trying to say is-”
“Tommmmlinnnn-”
“-That might just be the piece we’re missing in all this. We accounted for the guards, aye. And our guest being guarded-but gods above, who knew they’d be so damned accomodating?”
“Are you telling me that we’ve another human running about in the camp? Do you REALIZE what incredible danger that puts our entire operation in?!?”
“Oi, I do. But he came unarmed!”
“Well I’d like to think that at least our guards searched them for-”
“Not a single arm on him! Lad hops around like a chicken, but real congenial like. Loves to talk about all our banners and shite. He said he’s some kind of scholar? A ‘sociologist’ or some shite? But he writes with his toes! It’s incredible to watch him work!”
“….”
“Gaelira? Something the matter? You’ve gone that verdant shade of anger again,”
“Buy me another grog. Now,”
“Oi, right up, right up! Malrek! Another round. And smile again! It’s a new day, and whosawhatsit,”
“Thank you, Malrek. Tomlin? Love? Dear? I’m going to go over this very, very slowly. I want you to pay attention to every word I’m going to say, alright?”
“Ugh! Right, but could you let my beard go? You’re tugging it so-”
“It’s to ensure I’ve your full attention. Tomlin? We spent months orchestrating a kidnapping of the most valued asset in the kingdom, didn’t we?”
“Aye, we did,”
“And we executed it flawlessly, thanks to my leadership and planning, right?”
“Yes, we most certainly did! Without a hair harmed on her head, like you said!”
“After? Did I not delegate the care of the prisoner to you, as well as the management of the exchange? Was it not you who sent the messenger?”
“It was! And if I do say so myself, it went splendid. Better than I could have hoped!”
“Then why do we have a surplus of pink skins in our camp now?!”
“Well, like I said-we made a friend. Possibly several thousands if we play this right,”
“I-ugh. Tomlin, you realize that every single day she’s here is another day of planning for the kingdom, right?”
“Well, I suppose-”
“And having a set of eyes-a sociowhatsit-that’s to check our defenses. Our ranks. To see just how well we could take a full frontal assault. You know all of this, correct?”
“In a certain perspective, I’m sure that-”
“Tomlin, it’s the ONLY perspective. Order me another grog, now!”
“…I will, but on one condition. You’ve questioned my choices-and in fairness, that’s your right. But I’ve questions for you as well Chieftess. Indulge me?”
“As long as you do me,”
“MALR-well, that’s snappy service. Thank you, kin. So Gaelira-care to tell me why we don’t keep the princess bound anymore?”
“Well what’s the bloody point? Every time she sings, the damnedable song birds come out of the trees and pick at the hemp. Do you realize how much rope we’ve gone through at this point? We even bound her mouth-and she still hummed. A happy tune at that! She was overjoyed about it!”
“Aye, alright. So why does she stay in your hut?”
“You dare to ask me that after our exchange a moment ago?”
“Dare I do! How do we know you aren’t coercing the lass under force? Is a chieftess above the standards she holds her own?”
“…You know damned well that isn’t true, Tomlin. I hold her there to keep an eye about her. That’s all,”
“Oi, alright. And the headband?”
“What about it?!”
“Gaelira, love-you made that headband. We saw you do it last summer! A beautiful design, that. I’d know it anywhere!”
“She asked for something to keep the hair from her eyes. That’s all,”
“Aye? Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure,”
“And the dress? You mother made that for her, didn’t she?”
“I can’t control my mum any better than I control the clouds,”
“True, but I know Bertha Bonegnasher. She’s not one to do nice things for kin-and it’s an awfully pretty dress,”
“Tomlin, if you’ve something to say-”
“I do. I say you should ask her out already!”
“TOMLIN!”
“WHAT? The whole damned camp is talking about it! You smile around her, Gaelira! The last time I saw you smile was your father’s funeral! That kind of happiness doesn’t come around often!”
“And what of it? It’s vanity, all just damned vanity. Just like the thought of you keeping that scholar for a pet. They humans will come for us as they always do-and the next time you see me smile, it’ll be bathed in blood,”
“D’ya ever think maybe it doesn’t have to be that way? I mean, the king? They call him ‘Harold The Incredibly Generous and Kind’ for a reason,”
“So he gives to the poor. So he’s doteful on his daughter-but raising a well bred, well learned polite lady doth not a king make Tomlin,”
“Aye, but it makes a name, doesn’t it? And names, those last beyond death. They speak of the person, their history. And what might your name be when we’re both bones, Gaelira? Bonegnasher, like your parents?….Or Gaelira the wise? Gaelira the good, the just?…Gaelira the peaceful?”
“…”
“Right o, right o. You know what I really think? I think you’ve all the pieces to that puzzle. You just don’t know how to place them. Life is short and brutal, love. If nothing else, that should give you the courage to just do it. That is, if you’re the chieftess I know. If you’re the orc I’ve known since we were whelps,”
“…Tomlin?”
“Aye?”
“You’re a bastard,”
“Hah! Never said I wasn’t,”
“But you’re right. Thank you,”
“Oi, think nothing of it. But do ask her out. She’s a delight,”
“I’ll think about it. And Tomlin?”
“Yes love?”
“Give the scholar anything he needs. Let me know if he wants an audience,”
“Will do, miss. Will do,”